Sat Dec 7, 2013 – having a rough day

Well it hasn’t been easy I tell you. I wrote this the other night when life felt as grim as it could be, awake all night praying and singing to myself, rocking myself back and forth in pain, and then the first birds started still in the pitch black dark, so I wrote this poem: “The Bird’s Song” to have a record of how bad it’s been so that when the sun shines again, I can remember the bad times – to enjoy the good times.  Hope you read and share!

The Bird’s Song by Colleen Kelly

In the cool dark quiet of the night
Still so many hours until daylight
The pain and fear starts to set in
It’s so long since I’ve seen me grin

The pain of the body, the pain of the mind
The pain of the soul, the pain of the grind
All hope seems lost when your mind goes inside
All joy has gone, and you’ve lost all your pride

The horror of loss.
The change of my soul
Crumpled deep in my pain
In sadness I fold

What was that, was it something, or naught?
Was that a real sound, or was that just my thought?
Was that the sound of the first morning bird…
whispering their song, almost afraid to be heard?

But then it builds, louder and stronger
The sound fills the air, and last so much longer
Still in the dark, the birds always know
Well before the sun makes it’s glorious show

And hope comes back to me lying in pain
The fear seems to wane and peace above strain
How does a bird know better than us
What is the time – the birds come and tell us!

We lie there needing a watch or a clock
To tell us the time, and even then we are lost
What time could it be, before the first rays of light
And, once again, we’ve made it through the night

“To hell and back” is what one person said
With a clipboard standing at the end of my bed
And I have to agree when I have this much pain
That my life, and my body, will never be the same

Today’s morning song of the earliest bird
Is the one thing I definitely know that I heard
The thing that reminds me to keep up the hope
And I cling to the sound like I’m holding a rope

It’s then the sun starts to grow and be strong
Just as the bird had foretold in their song
And that’s when I feel it – a change coming through
That’s when you know that the change is in you

One little step. One little breath
One tiny movement that keeps me from death
One step forward – just as I should
And Just as the bird told me I would.

By Colleen Kelly

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Join the conversation! 31 Comments

  1. […] forth in pain, and then the first birds started still in the pitch black dark, so I wrote “The Bird’s Song” by Colleen […]

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  2. A beautiful poem and I’ve heard the birds too. God’s gentle wake up call. They say a sunrise is better than a sunset. My prayers are with you everyday.

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  3. From all of us who’s lives you’ve touched and changed, thru your horseback riding lessons,, you continue to effect us, this time with your courage! Thank you and God Bless!

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  4. That was very beautiful! I have been praying for you!!

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  5. hi colleen what a beautiful poem and to have finished it in 5 minutes! wow what an accomplishment you are in our prayers as always we wish you well maria

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  6. Colleen, You and Nick are in my prayers.
    Susan Richardson
    Lexington, Virginia

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  7. the poem Is so lovely and sad but with hope. My partner lost his mum to breast cancer last year and sadly his father just died of cancer in October.

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  8. Colleen, Praying for your recovery and happy return to what you love. I am a two time breast cancer survivor and remember those dark times. You are right, it is one step at a time through the pain and the fear. My prayer is that God will comfort you and give you strength during this time.

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  9. Dear Colleen, although I don’t know you personally. I couldn’t be more saddened by your situation. Your poem was so brilliant and emotional. It saddens me that such a wonderful person and horsewoman is in so much pain. You are show so much strength and courage – keep up the fight, you wonderful woman. And love always. Claire

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  10. I love love love! this poem!!! I sat here reading it with tears rolling down my face. My mother passed from breast cancer 30 years ago and both my older sisters have had bilateral mastectomy’s in the last year due to breast cancer. I sit and wait in silent fear of the unknown, but after reading this awesome poem and feeling the tough spirit of Colleen Kelly and all the other awesome brave women who have gone thru this, I salute you all! God Bless!

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  11. Dear Colleen…This is wonderful and so obviously from a place of pain determining to become hope. I’ll be praying for you…God bless you in the coming days. Ask Him for grace…He has it in abundance. Karen

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  12. Oh my God this is beautiful. I pray for you often. You are such a strong person. I admire you so much.

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  13. Hang in there girl. We all want to see you lots more!

    Sent from my iPad. jAN Brooks

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  14. That was so incredibly beautiful for so many different reasons! I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31 and had a recurrence at 33 in my lung. There were a few days where I remember thinking how much easier it would be to just stop breathing because the pain was so unbearable. But then something happens and you realize life is worth fighting for! Life goes on and a new kind of normal replaces what USED to be normal and it’s not so bad!!! I’m 35 now and loving life and all those special people that I’ve been blessed to have in my life. Keep listening to those birds! They are there to remind you of all you have to look forward to!!!

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  15. Colleen, that was a beautiful poem. That little bird is going to greet you every morning to let you know its a new day and you’re getting better. I can’t wait to see you back teaching and riding Saint. Hugs to Nick too.

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  16. Take heart my friend,
    For who did God send?
    That songbird to sing ‘til morning
    A sign of your new life dawning

    Whilst enduring so much pain
    You feel you’ll never be the same again
    I’m thinking “but what maketh a Colleen?
    Far, far more than can be ‘seen’

    Let me tell you who I’ll always see:
    Possessor of amazing resilience
    Epitome of shear brilliance
    The best thinker outside the box
    A graduate of distinction from ‘Lifes Hard Knocks’
    A mentor with great wit
    A fighter with guts and grit

    And when you’re feeling up to it,
    I’ll write you something with wit in it
    Hopefully to put a smile on your dial

    Yes, take heart dear friend
    And bask in the love we all send

    More people than you know are in prayer for you now, every gathering, every mealtime, every evening. Remember that Jesus came to set us free of fear and pain, so give it all up to him. When it all gets too much, try visualising him above you, smiling reassuringly. Take all the pain, fear and worry, all the feelings that take strength and peace from you. Mentally put all the nasties in a box, cram them in, close the lid, hand the box of troubles up to Jesus and see his smile of thanks. He will give you a little gift box in return, open the lid and out will pour love, peace, comfort, and strength.

    Remember “ask, seek, knock and the door will be opened”
    Go girl, go get that joyful future – it’s flashing your name in neon lights and you deserve it!!!!

    Luv, Helen, Nicole, Daniel, my mum, Alan, Alan’s Mum & Dad (she has a hotline to Heaven, I swear, everyone she prays for, literally something good happens – seriously!) Rhyley (Life of) thoroughbred gelding, Cleopatra – Belgian shepherd, and Tim Tam the terror – new kitten. xxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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    • Oh darling lady, what can I say. That’s just amazing, and I cannot think of how many years you and I have been friends…probably 1992 or 1993 you first had lessons, I know that Nicole was about 8 or 9, something like that. Miss you deeply, and hope you can come to all or part of the teacher training in Sydney. It’s free if you bring a friend! Send me a facebook message so I can get my phone number to you xxxx Love you and love from my Nick xx

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  17. Absolutely beautiful! Didn’t know Colleen is such a talented poet! :)))

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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  18. Keep listening to that little bird Colleen! Holding you and Nick in my heart.

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  19. Prayers going up for you, Colleen….

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  20. Dear Colleen,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you. We met last spring at the Rancho Murietta tour. You were sitting at your booth, I bought your advanced rider series. I’m a retired nurse, we talked about health care and especially patient care, we shared the same opinions. You said “I wish you could be my nurse “. I would love to take care of you! I live in California. So I am sending you warm thoughts to relieve your pain and wish I could be there to message your pain away and position your pillows so you are comfortable.
    I look forward to seeing you again when you come back to the Sacramento area.
    Sincerely yours,
    Lorraine Rinard

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  21. Colleen your poem is powerful, courageous, tender and haunting. I keep asking myself “why can’t they control the pain???” I hope by the time you read this you are pain free.

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    • Aww you’re so kind. I’m a bit steadier today I think. A lot of pain from the wound/infection. The do a T seam and where the seams meet they’re all split and pussy. Yes…I decided to go fully open and tell everyone because my sister didn’t tell anyone when she was dying. And I felt ‘left out’. Very painful losing her to this same wretched can-cer. (I break the word up and it doesn’t look so big).

      Reply
  22. Thinking of you and praying daily for you. If anyone can beat this you can. You’re an inspiration. Hope you can gain comfort from the caring comments posted here. Wrote you a poem on 9th but it’s still awaiting moderation – what ever that means.

    Reply

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